This page contains jokes. Any similarity to real-life events, educational subjects and persons is purely coincidental.
4 Economist jokes
1.
How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
- None, if the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
2.
How many theoretical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
- None, they are all waiting for the unseen hand of the market to correct the lighting disequilibrium.
3.
A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live. The doctor advises her to marry an economist and to live in Vantaa. The woman asks, “will this cure my illness”?
Answer of the doctor: “No, but the half year will seem pretty long”.
4.
One night a policeman saw a macroeconomist looking for something by a light pole. He asked him if he had lost something there. The economist said, “I lost my keys over in the alley.” The policeman asked him why he was looking by the light pole.
The economist responded, “it’s a lot easier to look over here.”
3 Economist valentine card messages
- Despite a decade of inflation, I still dig your supply curve.
- Let’s assume a very nice 5 star hotel suite and a bottle of Dom Pérignon
- You bring the butter, I’ll bring the gun.
Business mathematics
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn’t fire, but shouted in triumph, “We got it! We got it!”
Einstein at the Pearly Gates
When Albert Einstein died, he met three New Zealanders in the queue outside the Pearly Gates. To pass the time, he asked what their IQs were.
The first replied 190. “Wonderful,” exclaimed Einstein. “We can discuss the contribution made by Ernest Rutherford to atomic physics and my theory of general relativity”.
The second answered 130. “Good,” said Einstein. “I look forward to discussing the role of New Zealand’s nuclear-free legislation in the quest for world peace”.
The third New Zealander mumbled 50. Einstein paused, and then asked, “So what is your forecast for the budget deficit next year?”
Economics defined
Experienced economist and not so experienced economist are walking down the road. They come across a pile of horse manure lying on the asphalt.
Experienced economist: “If you eat it I’ll give you $20,000!”
Not so experienced economist runs his optimization problem and figures out he’s better off eating it so he does and collects money.
Continuing along the same road they come across another pile of horse manure. Not so experienced economist: “Now, if YOU eat this I’ll give YOU $20,000.” After evaluating the proposal experienced economist eats it and collects the money. They go on.
The not so experienced economist starts thinking: “Listen, we both have the same amount of money we had before, but we both ate horse manure. I don’t see us being better off.”
The experienced economist replies “Well, that’s true, but you overlooked the fact that we’ve been just involved in $40,000 of trade.”
Economists defined…
A BT-student, an accounting student and an economics student apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the BT-student and asks “What do two plus two equal?” The BT-student replies “Four.” The interviewer asks “Four, exactly?” The BT-student looks at the interviewer, puzzled, and says “Yes, four, exactly.”
Then the interviewer calls in the accounting student and asks the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The accounting student says: “On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four.”
Then the interviewer calls in the economics student and poses the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The economics student gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and whispers, “What do you want it to equal”?
Marketing defined
When a young marketer met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards.
“I’ll see Heaven first,” said the salesman, and an angel led him through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the salesman was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to so sedate an eternity.
“Can I see Hell now?” he asked. The angel pointed him to the elevator, and he went down to the Basement where he was greeted by one of Satan’s loyal followers. For the next half hour, the salesman was led through a tour of what appeared to be the best night clubs he’d ever seen. People were partying loudly, and having a, if you’ll pardon the expression, Hell of a time.
When the tour ended, he was sent back up where the angel asked him if he had reached a final decision.
“Yes, I have,” he replied. “As great as Heaven looks and all, I have to admit that Hell was more of my kind of place. I’ve decided to spend my eternity down there.”
The salesman was sent to hell, where he was immediately thrown into a cave and was chained to a wall, and he was subjected to various tortures. “When I came down here for the tour,” he yelled with anger and pain, “I was shown a whole bunch of bars and parties and other great stuff! What happened?!”
The devil replied, “Oh, that! That was just the Marketing Presentation”
Marketers defined…
A retailer was dismayed when a competitor selling the same type of product opened next-door to him, displaying a large sign proclaiming “Best Deals”.
Not long after he was horrified to find yet another competitor move in next-door, on the other side if his store. It’s large sign was even more disturbing: “Lowest Prices”.
After his initial panic, and concern that he would be driven out of business, he looked for a way to turn the situation to his marketing advantage. Finally, an idea came to him. Next day, he proudly unveiled a new and huge sign over his front door. It read,
“Main Entrance”
BT-student and shepherd
A BT-student walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, “I will bet you 100 euros against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.” The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet. “572,” says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says “OK, I’m a man of my word, take an animal.” BT-student picks one up and begins to walk away.
“Wait,” shouts the shepherd, “Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.” Man says sure. “You are a BT-student specialized in math,” says the shepherd. “Amazing!” responds the man, “You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?”
“Well,” says the shepherd, “put down my dog and I will tell you.”